blue balls, red balls, steel balls, but no hairy balls…

I spend a lit of time driving.  Perhaps more time than I need to in this life.  I am pretty attached to my truck but I would not call myself a car/truck person.  I get it maintained regularly by Doug Irvine in Hastings.  He takes good care of me and my vehicle and I trust that he always advises me well.  I put in oil when it is needed.  I use premium gas every few fill-ups.  I try not to push too hard and respect the piece of machinery that moves me around this great globe.  BUT, I do not have balls hanging from the back.  I see this from time to time and no matter how hard I try I cannot understand why these exist.  The first time I saw them I chuckled, and then immediately thought, WHY?  Some would say that a man who drives a big truck has a small unit.  Big truck, full suspension, flashy chrome and 16″ nuts hanging from the back – now what would that say?

Regardless, they are funny.  And I do not judge or take offense.  After some research I did find that some places have actually passed laws against these embellishments.

“The infamous Truck Nutz have now been deemed illegal in Florida and are punishable with a measly $60 fine… Virginia was working on enacting a similar bill that would make displaying the genitals a misdemeanor punishable with a $250 fine.”

Don’t the lawmakers have better things to spend their time on?

Whether you go with Bulls balls, Bumper Nuts or many of the other companies that sell these there are lots to choose from.  Ranging from $20 to $80 dollars you can get these in variety of sizes and colors.  From 4″ blue, red and flesh color you can move up to 8″ camoflouge and even up as big as “16 for those of you who really want to make a statement.

Accessories as well such as the optional lock for those of youparaniod of your nuts being stolen.  As well they have Nut Sacks –

“8” Nut Sack in Woodland Camo. Why would I want or need a Nut Sack? What are they for? Well friends, let me share a story with you so you’ll know not only how these came to be, but exactly how to use them. So there you are, you are so proud of yourself, you’ve just finished permanently attaching your brand new set of Your Nutz to the back of your ride. You’re standing there admiring your work and your wife walks out and stands next to you. You both share a moment of silent admiration at your skill and prowess of doing such a masterful job of permanently attaching those nutz. The silence is broken when your wife says. “Those look great Hun, but I need to get to choir practice now, you’ll need to take those off.” You stand there in stunned disbelief. You’ve welded one end of the chain to the frame and you’ve welded the nut onto the bolt holding the set of Nutz to the other end of the chain! What are you going to do? Cut the chain? Don’t panic. Simply slip one of the five different styles of “Nut Sack” over the nutz to conceal them from view. It’s just that simple! They have a handy pull cord so you can cinch them up tight at the top so they won’t slip off. Get one of each style with your order today!”

It seems that men will always be boys and will always be obsessed with their dangly bits.  Myself, I am pretty happy to sit and watch tv and fondle with no apparent purpose.


2 Responses to “blue balls, red balls, steel balls, but no hairy balls…”

  1. LOL, made my day! Thanks Ken. 😀

  2. LOL….that was sooooo funny Ken….I think if you ever decide to retire from music you should jump right into comedy…you have the gift of the ‘teehee’….hahahaaaaa… the pics to go with the story too…that last guys sums it up.. 🙂

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